The proverb "It takes a village to raise a child" is nothing new. We've heard it, said it, and Hillary Clinton even wrote a book about it. But if you're like me, you had no idea what it actually meant until you had a child...and needed your village like never before.
Before I even knew how (and how often) I'd need our village, I knew they were there. They sent books from far and wide, many inscribed with messages telling Jolene how much she was loved.
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| These shelves can't hold all the books... |
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| ...and neither can this one... |
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| ...so we also have piles all over the house. What a lovely problem to have! |
On this rainy and cold afternoon, Jolene and I cuddled up with a few books from our village: church, financial planner, family, friends, work.
*I have to emphasize that this is only a tiny sampling. There aren't adequate words to describe how much I've leaned on so many others in our village - from the endless supply of maternity clothes from my best friend, to so many phone calls with my sisters, to the dark early days when I was too weak to do anything but lean on my mom. We have books from aunts, grandparents, cousins, and the children of our friends. We are truly surrounded with love and support. You know who you are - and you know we couldn't do this without you!
We started with
Good Dog, Carl, a sweet book with almost no words. It uses beautiful, simple illustrations to tell the story of a dog taking care of a baby for the day. I'm not making this up, by the way - the book begins with this scene, which I'm pretty sure is not the proper way to care for a baby:
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| That's not legal, right? |
But the book is delightful, and we get to see this big sweet dog help the baby out of the crib, get the baby a snack, put on music to have a dance party with the baby. All of this before cleaning up the house and getting baby back into bed by the time our ultra-laid-back mom comes home.
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| Don't worry, Jolene, we'll never leave the house with just the dog at home. |
When we finished the book, I told Jolene about Kyle and Karen, our friends from church who had given the book to Jolene. Kevin and Kyle play in the band together most weeks, and are a musical mutual admiration society. Kyle and Karen never missed an opportunity to check in on me during my pregnancy, bring us a gift, or invite us over for Kyle's famous homemade pizza. So I told Jolene about how Kyle and Karen would always be there for her, and how they had been such great friends to us. I told her that our church community was a truly special group of people, like another family, that had helped us move in and out of apartments, talk through problems, and support each other through life's best and worst moments. They've held Jolene, fed her, and sung her to sleep at the piano. We are lucky to have them - and Jolene will soon know she's lucky, too.
Next I picked up
You Are My I Love You, which gave me the chance to tell Jolene about our financial planner,
Matt Becker. I told her about how he was an important part of our village because he helps keep mom and dad on track with our finances, and helps us figure out how to do all the things we want to do with her someday. And it's true - with few exceptions, all of our big decisions as a family have been discussed with Matt. He's not just interested in the bottom line - he wants to make sure we're constantly moving towards the life we really want to lead, and creating the life we want for Jolene. He lives in Florida, but was in Boston over the holidays, and stopped by so we could have an in-person meeting. I don't know if
your financial planner makes house calls, but ours showed up with a homemade cheesecake and this sweet little book for Jolene. It was all the more special because I knew this book well, having purchased it for friends and sisters when their babies were born. It means so much to have this in Jolene's library, and to have the peace of mind that comes from knowing you've got a financial guy in your corner.
Almost all of the books on Jolene's shelves represent family in one way or another - we are a family of readers, and both of Jolene's grandmothers are English teachers, so there's no shortage of wonderful books from both sides. However, I'm a little partial to the ones I specially requested because they had been
my favorites as a kid. I didn't hesitate to add my old favorites to my registry, or to email my mom to see if she needed another gift idea. These books have stood the test of time, and it brings me so much joy to read them to Jolene. One such favorite is
The Little Mouse, The Red Ripe Strawberry, and THE BIG HUNGRY BEAR, which my mother sent right before Christmas. Jolene and I have read it nearly every day since (yes, it's that good). After we read it, I told her how much her grandmothers love her, and even though one lives very close and one lives far away, they would both always be there for her. I told her that Grammy Florida, who had sent this book, would be so much fun to visit, and would always have something new and exciting for her to read, and that no matter where your family lives, they'll always have your back. I told her that when Jolene had just been born, and I didn't know what I was doing and feeling tired and scared, my mom was right there to see me through. A village isn't complete without family to lean on, and whether that family is big, small, near, far, a little on the crazy side (aren't they all?), they love you in a way nobody else can.
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| If your books don't feature strawberries in disguises, you're doing it wrong. |
Next we got international! One of my best friends in the whole world, a crazy, beautiful, wonderful woman named Kristen, sent Jolene her first bilingual book:
Meet The Little Prince. I read it twice, fancifully reading the French along the way.
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| Thankfully, Jolene knows even less French than I do, so she didn't seem offended at my pronunciation. |
I told Jolene about Kristen, how we'd met when I was eighteen years old and a freshman at University of North Carolina. Fourteen years later, we both have daughters, and while we haven't lived in the same state since college, we've stayed close by being great pen pals. Kristen represents that irreplaceable part of the village, the group of friends who will always, always be there. It doesn't matter if you haven't talked in a while. It doesn't matter if your friend just had a baby so isn't calling back even though you've left several messages. It doesn't matter who forgot to write who back. They're just always there. Kristen is also one of those friends with whom I can always be completely myself, completely honest. We told each other the cold, hard truth about our experiences with pregnancy and motherhood - and also shared the joys. In college we used to dream about the future; I don't think either of us imagined it would include a bilingual edition of
The Little Prince, but I'm so, so glad it did. Jolene will eventually have her own group of friends - but for now, mom and dad need their friends to lean on. My friends have made me a better person, which in turn makes me a better mom, which in turn makes a better world for Jolene.
Finally, it was time for Jolene to learn about work. Specifically, mom's work. Before reading Jimmy Fallon's adorable and funny
Your Baby's First Word Will Be Dada, I told her about my boss, who had given me the book just before Jolene was born. It might not seem like interesting baby material to talk about your boss, but mine is an important part of Jolene's story. I started my job nearly two years ago - and when I did, the only other person on the team was my boss, the CEO. We clicked instantly, and worked harder than either of us had in our lives, hiring the team, making the decisions, and finally opening our doors in October 2014. Just a couple months after we opened, I told her I was pregnant. I wanted her to have an early heads up, in case I had to start leaving for doctor's appointments, or in case I was getting sick at work. Like many pregnant women in the workforce, I didn't know how she would respond. Would she doubt my commitment to the team? Would I be penalized for needing to leave for the doctor or stay home sick? Since nobody on the team had been pregnant, or gone out on leave, how would they handle it? My fears were in vain. She was thrilled for me, and amazingly supportive throughout my pregnancy. I'd proven myself through my work, and earned the flexibility I needed. I was able to work from home as needed, and created my own plan for going out on leave and coming back at my own pace. I'm still able to work a flexible schedule, which allows me to keep up my job while also not missing out on time with Jolene. Jolene didn't need quite that much of the story, but I told her that my boss is the reason I'm able to be home so much of the time, and that my job allows us to continue creating the life we want (see above, financial planning!). I'm lucky to have a boss that cares about me as a person, not just an employee, and I want Jolene to know that it's made a difference in my experience as a working mom.
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| Nailed it, little lamb. |
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| A cameo by Dada himself! |
There are so many people that make up a village, and each person brings something unique. We are lucky to have so many book lovers in our village, and feel grateful to have such variety. Our financial planner brings something different than our friends; our church community offers something different than our family or workplace. Regardless, they are all there in the village. And by continuing to reach out, keep them close, and remind them of how much they mean to us, we can help ensure that we - and Jolene - will never, ever need to feel alone.
